My mouth is mostly healed now. The mouthwash really helped heal it up a lot faster then I thought it would. It's just nice to be able to drink water without it hurting.
I walked to work today. It wasn't raining when I left, it was just misting so it was all good. However, the ground was just soaking wet, so by the time I got to work, my feet were like sponges. It was gross. I was soaked to the bone, foot-wise. So I had to dry those out all day long. Good times.
So I'm broken again. Even though I was broken two weeks ago. I had one week between periods. This is not normal. I need to make an appointment with a girly bits doctor and try and figure out what the f is going on with my body. This is just so frustrating and annoying and gross. I'm just sick of it. Poor Rob, he's putting up with so much crap from me. I'm a tad bit on edge and cranky. I love Rob, he's so good to me.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Why must Dentists Mock Me?
Why do I have such horrible luck with dentists? I'm not a horrible person. I don't have the best teeth but I do my best to take care of them. I waited around and waited around and waited around until I could see the dentist last night. There are only so many places you can go in Sunridge.
Finally it was my appointment. I went in, and she looked at my mouth for all of thirty seconds and said "Hmmm, likes like you "probably" bit your cheek when it was frozen." then proceeded to tell me that she could do nothing for me, and that it had to get a lot worse before it was going to get better. I asked her if there was anything she could give me as I was in horrible agony and she was like, no, not really. Gee, thanks bitch.
I was really mad. Rob came to pick me up and suggested we go to Shoppers, on the off chance that the drug lady could suggest anything for me. I describe my disgusting problem to her, and She was like "Your dentist didn't give you anything? Jeesh!" and stalked off to go get me lots of goodies, like codeine, a mouth rinse and a gel to numb it. The mouthwash hurts like hell, but not as much as the warm salt water I've been rinsing with. And it actually feels like it's healing the cut. The drugs made me loopy last night and put me in a high sleep for about two hours, but I was awake the rest of the night, so I didn't go in today. I'm glad I didn't, because I've been keeping my mouth closed, and it feels so much better. Answering phones and questions and blah blah blah all day at work kills me, it stretches out the cut that's trying so hard to heal. So hopefully it will get lots of rest and healing time today. Fingers crossed. It's been a week exactly today since it's happened. It better heal up soon.
Rob might take me to Ikea after he's done work. I might get a new bedspread. I'm such a girl sometimes.
Finally it was my appointment. I went in, and she looked at my mouth for all of thirty seconds and said "Hmmm, likes like you "probably" bit your cheek when it was frozen." then proceeded to tell me that she could do nothing for me, and that it had to get a lot worse before it was going to get better. I asked her if there was anything she could give me as I was in horrible agony and she was like, no, not really. Gee, thanks bitch.
I was really mad. Rob came to pick me up and suggested we go to Shoppers, on the off chance that the drug lady could suggest anything for me. I describe my disgusting problem to her, and She was like "Your dentist didn't give you anything? Jeesh!" and stalked off to go get me lots of goodies, like codeine, a mouth rinse and a gel to numb it. The mouthwash hurts like hell, but not as much as the warm salt water I've been rinsing with. And it actually feels like it's healing the cut. The drugs made me loopy last night and put me in a high sleep for about two hours, but I was awake the rest of the night, so I didn't go in today. I'm glad I didn't, because I've been keeping my mouth closed, and it feels so much better. Answering phones and questions and blah blah blah all day at work kills me, it stretches out the cut that's trying so hard to heal. So hopefully it will get lots of rest and healing time today. Fingers crossed. It's been a week exactly today since it's happened. It better heal up soon.
Rob might take me to Ikea after he's done work. I might get a new bedspread. I'm such a girl sometimes.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Owie
I failed to mention that my mouth has been in extreme pain since Thursday when I got four fillings on my right side (yes, I know, my teeth suck. Moving on...). Funny thing is the teeth are fine. It's my cheek this is killing me. It's to the point that it hurts to eat or drink anything, even water, and it hurts to open my mouth. I was mumbling all my words yesterday. I'm almost certain it's from when the assistant tried to put some stupid cardboard thing against my right cheek to keep it away from the tooth. It was too big for my mouth, as most of the things they try to use on me are, and she was having trouble getting it in there, so she actually shoved it in. I was all frozen, but I could still kind of feel it slide along my cheek. I thought "Uh oh, that's probably going to hurt." Um, yeah. Extreme pain. For almost a week. I was going to go to the clinic after work today. I called my dentist to cancel my appointment for Thursday, because if I can't open my mouth wide enough to eat cereal, a two hour dental appointment is probably out of the question. The receptionist told me my dentist should look at my mouth, I said fine, but she couldn't see me until tomorrow after work. For christ's sake. I just want something to make the pain go away. I've tried Aleve and Advil extra strength gel caps but they're not doing anything. I think it's infected and I need antibiotics, even though I hate them. Rinsing with salt water hurts like hell and makes me want to cry, but it does feel really good for a little while afterwards. I need drugs!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Long Weekend
I'm stressed. Let me just make myself clear. It's really hard for me to be out here, so far away from my family. So much is happening at home, and some of my family tries to keep me in the dark about it, saying things are ok when they're really not.
My Grampy is sick. Really sick. He only weighs 130lbs now. He's tiny and sick. He tells me he feels good. How can you feel good when you're so sick? You can't. I hate not being there. He sounded good when I talked to him yesterday, and he called me his favorite girl, which made me happy. His doctor is on vacation so we won't hear back about the test results for a while. I'm terrified of test results. it seems like that's all that I wait for. Test results. And the results are never good. My Mother told me today that my Nanny Barb doesn't think Grampy will make it through the summer. I can't believe that's true. I can't believe that the last time I will have seen my grampy is over a year ago, when he hugged me on his front step and told me he loved me. He's one of the most stubborn people I've met, even more so then me, so I have to believe that he's a fighter, and that I will see him again.
My great grandmother is giving up on everything. She put her name in to the manor at home (old folk's home-really just a babysitter). It's like she just doesn't care anymore. About anything. My Mom is angry at her, and scared, I'm sure. We've been blessed with young grandparents. It's hard when they're getting old. I try to remember what it was like to lose my Poppy a few years ago, and that doesn't even seem real.
My uncle Jamie fell down at work the other day. Beat his arm all up. This might be the most upsetting for me. My uncle Jamie is the the nicest person in the world. He doesn't deserve this. God damn genetics.
My poor grandmother ended up in the hospital, with what I think is probably a stress induced issue. That poor woman.
My Dad is drinking a lot again. I don't know if it's because he has diabetes and he's upset about that, or if he's upset about the state of the crab fishery (last year it was about 10 or 15 thousand lbs they could catch, this year it was 5...that's our big money fishery). Mom is not happy, and all the stress she's under with her family...it's not a good mixture.
I want to be there. I want to push a button and fix everyone. I want to hug my Grampy and look him in the eyes and know that he's going to be ok. I want to hug my grandmother and take away her stress. I want to hug my uncle Jamie and take out the god damn genes in him that are making him sick. I want to make everyone better and happy. But I can't.
I cried a lot yesterday. I hate to cry. I spent a lot of my early life crying, and then just stopped and held as much inside as I could. I was folding laundry and started to cry. I felt like an idiot. Rob held me and made me lay down. He held me and I cried. I felt really stupid but I felt better afterwords. He told me, again, that I don't need to hold everything inside anymore. He's my rock. I don't need to do it on my own. But it's hard to hand that responsibility over to someone again. But if anyone can handle it, I think he can.
My Grampy is sick. Really sick. He only weighs 130lbs now. He's tiny and sick. He tells me he feels good. How can you feel good when you're so sick? You can't. I hate not being there. He sounded good when I talked to him yesterday, and he called me his favorite girl, which made me happy. His doctor is on vacation so we won't hear back about the test results for a while. I'm terrified of test results. it seems like that's all that I wait for. Test results. And the results are never good. My Mother told me today that my Nanny Barb doesn't think Grampy will make it through the summer. I can't believe that's true. I can't believe that the last time I will have seen my grampy is over a year ago, when he hugged me on his front step and told me he loved me. He's one of the most stubborn people I've met, even more so then me, so I have to believe that he's a fighter, and that I will see him again.
My great grandmother is giving up on everything. She put her name in to the manor at home (old folk's home-really just a babysitter). It's like she just doesn't care anymore. About anything. My Mom is angry at her, and scared, I'm sure. We've been blessed with young grandparents. It's hard when they're getting old. I try to remember what it was like to lose my Poppy a few years ago, and that doesn't even seem real.
My uncle Jamie fell down at work the other day. Beat his arm all up. This might be the most upsetting for me. My uncle Jamie is the the nicest person in the world. He doesn't deserve this. God damn genetics.
My poor grandmother ended up in the hospital, with what I think is probably a stress induced issue. That poor woman.
My Dad is drinking a lot again. I don't know if it's because he has diabetes and he's upset about that, or if he's upset about the state of the crab fishery (last year it was about 10 or 15 thousand lbs they could catch, this year it was 5...that's our big money fishery). Mom is not happy, and all the stress she's under with her family...it's not a good mixture.
I want to be there. I want to push a button and fix everyone. I want to hug my Grampy and look him in the eyes and know that he's going to be ok. I want to hug my grandmother and take away her stress. I want to hug my uncle Jamie and take out the god damn genes in him that are making him sick. I want to make everyone better and happy. But I can't.
I cried a lot yesterday. I hate to cry. I spent a lot of my early life crying, and then just stopped and held as much inside as I could. I was folding laundry and started to cry. I felt like an idiot. Rob held me and made me lay down. He held me and I cried. I felt really stupid but I felt better afterwords. He told me, again, that I don't need to hold everything inside anymore. He's my rock. I don't need to do it on my own. But it's hard to hand that responsibility over to someone again. But if anyone can handle it, I think he can.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Peaceful Morning Walks
Everyone at work thinks I'm crazy now. Well, I'm pretty sure that they all thought I was crazy before, but they think I'm crazy for walking to work in the morning. I'm actually really enjoying the peaceful times I get int he morning. As long as it's not raining or cold and I don't get hit by a car crossing McKnight, it's a really peaceful morning. I enjoy the walking, the thinking, the day dreaming. Sometimes I listen to music, but mostly I just think. I enjoy the alone me time. Plus it's nice to have almost an hour before work to prepare for the horrors of work.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Rainy Day Blues
I don’t understand how the day can be going fine, well, normal (that means full of small annoyances but nothing out of the ordinary) and then my mood just totally bottoms out. I thought I was through with all this crap. I went through this enough already, haven’t I? I’m so sick of this. The last couple of days I’ll be fine, and then I’ll just sit there and stare at nothing and think of nothing and do nothing until I can snap myself out of it. It’s very annoying. And if people ask me if I’m ok, what do I say? Yes, no, maybe, who the hell knows? Probably the last one. I just don’t like it when my mood suddenly decides to be a douche bag. It’s no fun for me, and it’s no fun for the people around me.
The crappy weather probably isn’t helping any. My parents are having fishing trouble, and therefore money trouble. My family isn’t dealing well with my uncle’s illness. My grampy is in complete denial about the whole thing. When my poor stressed upset grandmother tried to speak to him about it seriously, he freaked out. He yelled, he cursed, he cried and then left the house. And typical with my family, we are not ever going to mention that such a thing happened ever again. If it can be swept under a rug, there it goes, with all the other stuff that’s hurt or upset people in the past. Or add it to the growing ulcer in your stomach. That’s my preferred method. My aunt Bonnie is worried about my uncle Jamie, and she’s angry, and she’s scared and upset and she’s worried about herself but doesn’t want to get tested. And I’m in Calgary, where I can’t do a damn thing about any of this stuff. It get’s hard. Yeah, sometimes it’s nice to be away from the drama of family, but somedays I would give anything to have it all back again.
When will this work day end? I just can’t do anything else today. I just want to go home and hide my head under a blanket until everything goes away. Maybe I will.
On a happy note (I know, strange, coming from me) my Pois---I mean Mints for Friends are a big hit at work, but strangely enough, no one wants one. How odd…
The crappy weather probably isn’t helping any. My parents are having fishing trouble, and therefore money trouble. My family isn’t dealing well with my uncle’s illness. My grampy is in complete denial about the whole thing. When my poor stressed upset grandmother tried to speak to him about it seriously, he freaked out. He yelled, he cursed, he cried and then left the house. And typical with my family, we are not ever going to mention that such a thing happened ever again. If it can be swept under a rug, there it goes, with all the other stuff that’s hurt or upset people in the past. Or add it to the growing ulcer in your stomach. That’s my preferred method. My aunt Bonnie is worried about my uncle Jamie, and she’s angry, and she’s scared and upset and she’s worried about herself but doesn’t want to get tested. And I’m in Calgary, where I can’t do a damn thing about any of this stuff. It get’s hard. Yeah, sometimes it’s nice to be away from the drama of family, but somedays I would give anything to have it all back again.
When will this work day end? I just can’t do anything else today. I just want to go home and hide my head under a blanket until everything goes away. Maybe I will.
On a happy note (I know, strange, coming from me) my Pois---I mean Mints for Friends are a big hit at work, but strangely enough, no one wants one. How odd…
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Well, that was fun.
Or not. I spent my morning/early afternoon at the dentist today. It was a new dentist, and I like her a lot. Everyone there (Sunshine Dental) was much nicer then my last place (Sunridge Dental). No one yelled at me for not having a wide mouth. However, I need a lot of work done. This sucks. I have about a trillion cavities that need to get fixed and I need a bridge. Fun times. Other then the dentist stuff, everything is pretty good.
Work is going fine. I feel nice and isolated in my office which is good. I really don't know what's going on ever now, and it's sweet that way. I took the whole day off today, it was nice. I'm really sleepy though. Rob stayed over, so I had to get up just after six with him, and he didn't sleep very well last night, very tossy turny all night. Fun times. I don't know if we will be hanging out today or not.
On an up note I walked all the way to work yesterday morning. I was pretty amazed with myself. I'm going to try to do it at least a few times a week if I can, save on bus fare and maybe get my weight down some. Fingers crossed.
But as I said, nothing much is happening. Such is my life.
Work is going fine. I feel nice and isolated in my office which is good. I really don't know what's going on ever now, and it's sweet that way. I took the whole day off today, it was nice. I'm really sleepy though. Rob stayed over, so I had to get up just after six with him, and he didn't sleep very well last night, very tossy turny all night. Fun times. I don't know if we will be hanging out today or not.
On an up note I walked all the way to work yesterday morning. I was pretty amazed with myself. I'm going to try to do it at least a few times a week if I can, save on bus fare and maybe get my weight down some. Fingers crossed.
But as I said, nothing much is happening. Such is my life.
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