Rainy Day Blues

I don’t understand how the day can be going fine, well, normal (that means full of small annoyances but nothing out of the ordinary) and then my mood just totally bottoms out. I thought I was through with all this crap. I went through this enough already, haven’t I? I’m so sick of this. The last couple of days I’ll be fine, and then I’ll just sit there and stare at nothing and think of nothing and do nothing until I can snap myself out of it. It’s very annoying. And if people ask me if I’m ok, what do I say? Yes, no, maybe, who the hell knows? Probably the last one. I just don’t like it when my mood suddenly decides to be a douche bag. It’s no fun for me, and it’s no fun for the people around me.

The crappy weather probably isn’t helping any. My parents are having fishing trouble, and therefore money trouble. My family isn’t dealing well with my uncle’s illness. My grampy is in complete denial about the whole thing. When my poor stressed upset grandmother tried to speak to him about it seriously, he freaked out. He yelled, he cursed, he cried and then left the house. And typical with my family, we are not ever going to mention that such a thing happened ever again. If it can be swept under a rug, there it goes, with all the other stuff that’s hurt or upset people in the past. Or add it to the growing ulcer in your stomach. That’s my preferred method. My aunt Bonnie is worried about my uncle Jamie, and she’s angry, and she’s scared and upset and she’s worried about herself but doesn’t want to get tested. And I’m in Calgary, where I can’t do a damn thing about any of this stuff. It get’s hard. Yeah, sometimes it’s nice to be away from the drama of family, but somedays I would give anything to have it all back again.

When will this work day end? I just can’t do anything else today. I just want to go home and hide my head under a blanket until everything goes away. Maybe I will.

On a happy note (I know, strange, coming from me) my Pois---I mean Mints for Friends are a big hit at work, but strangely enough, no one wants one. How odd…