I don’t understand how the day can be going fine, well, normal (that means full of small annoyances but nothing out of the ordinary) and then my mood just totally bottoms out. I thought I was through with all this crap. I went through this enough already, haven’t I? I’m so sick of this. The last couple of days I’ll be fine, and then I’ll just sit there and stare at nothing and think of nothing and do nothing until I can snap myself out of it. It’s very annoying. And if people ask me if I’m ok, what do I say? Yes, no, maybe, who the hell knows? Probably the last one. I just don’t like it when my mood suddenly decides to be a douche bag. It’s no fun for me, and it’s no fun for the people around me.
The crappy weather probably isn’t helping any. My parents are having fishing trouble, and therefore money trouble. My family isn’t dealing well with my uncle’s illness. My grampy is in complete denial about the whole thing. When my poor stressed upset grandmother tried to speak to him about it seriously, he freaked out. He yelled, he cursed, he cried and then left the house. And typical with my family, we are not ever going to mention that such a thing happened ever again. If it can be swept under a rug, there it goes, with all the other stuff that’s hurt or upset people in the past. Or add it to the growing ulcer in your stomach. That’s my preferred method. My aunt Bonnie is worried about my uncle Jamie, and she’s angry, and she’s scared and upset and she’s worried about herself but doesn’t want to get tested. And I’m in Calgary, where I can’t do a damn thing about any of this stuff. It get’s hard. Yeah, sometimes it’s nice to be away from the drama of family, but somedays I would give anything to have it all back again.
When will this work day end? I just can’t do anything else today. I just want to go home and hide my head under a blanket until everything goes away. Maybe I will.
On a happy note (I know, strange, coming from me) my Pois---I mean Mints for Friends are a big hit at work, but strangely enough, no one wants one. How odd…
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Well, that was fun.
Or not. I spent my morning/early afternoon at the dentist today. It was a new dentist, and I like her a lot. Everyone there (Sunshine Dental) was much nicer then my last place (Sunridge Dental). No one yelled at me for not having a wide mouth. However, I need a lot of work done. This sucks. I have about a trillion cavities that need to get fixed and I need a bridge. Fun times. Other then the dentist stuff, everything is pretty good.
Work is going fine. I feel nice and isolated in my office which is good. I really don't know what's going on ever now, and it's sweet that way. I took the whole day off today, it was nice. I'm really sleepy though. Rob stayed over, so I had to get up just after six with him, and he didn't sleep very well last night, very tossy turny all night. Fun times. I don't know if we will be hanging out today or not.
On an up note I walked all the way to work yesterday morning. I was pretty amazed with myself. I'm going to try to do it at least a few times a week if I can, save on bus fare and maybe get my weight down some. Fingers crossed.
But as I said, nothing much is happening. Such is my life.
Work is going fine. I feel nice and isolated in my office which is good. I really don't know what's going on ever now, and it's sweet that way. I took the whole day off today, it was nice. I'm really sleepy though. Rob stayed over, so I had to get up just after six with him, and he didn't sleep very well last night, very tossy turny all night. Fun times. I don't know if we will be hanging out today or not.
On an up note I walked all the way to work yesterday morning. I was pretty amazed with myself. I'm going to try to do it at least a few times a week if I can, save on bus fare and maybe get my weight down some. Fingers crossed.
But as I said, nothing much is happening. Such is my life.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Baking cookies with Love
And flour. And eggs. And other such things. Seriously though, I am baking cookies right now. The last pan is in the oven. Chocolate chip if anyone was wondering. Rob didn't come over tonight, so I had to find something to fill the time. I managed to rearrange some things on my kitchen counter, fish the fishy pepper shaker that Chrissy got me out from behind the stove (lesson learned, do not balance it where it can fall) unbroken! Then I decided to make cookies since I bought a new pan on the weekend.
Ah, the weekend. They are becoming more and more of a blur as the days go by. They go by so much quicker then days at work. It's sucky. Have no idea what was done Friday night. Saturday I met up with Chrissy and T for what I thought was a girl's day at the sex shop, but turned out to involve Chrissy's new toy. A little weird to go to a sex shop with a guy you're not sleeping with or haven't known for a while, but whatever. Oh, I should also mention I was mad at Rob when I first got out of the car at Chrissy's because he did the exact same thing as the last time he dropped me off. We came up to the turn off and he asked me "Is this the turn?" I said "I'm not sure" and he got all mad. I'm sorry, I don't drive. I honestly don't pay attention to where I'm being driven. But "It's your friend, you should know!" Um, you're the driver, you should know. Whatever.
(Cookies are now finished)
We went to the shop, it was nice and classy. I may or may not have bought some items. We went to Walmart where Rob met me and I got a passport picture. I look like I'm in jail. We did some more running around and came home. Sunday is where it really gets interesting.
Sunday we're lazy, as usual. I can't sleep in most weekends so we're sleepy too. We finally get moving, and have a little tiff, due to cranky behaviour no doubt, but we're going. It's about 11:30 and we're both hungry, we're going to go get something to eat! Or not. The passenger side tire blew out in my ally. So I got to watch my boy change a tire, which was kind of hot for some reason. Then we drove to Canadian Tire and got two new front tires. We walked around Canadian Tire and the Asian mall for a while, waiting for it to be done. My fears of running into idiot boy in such places have pretty much disappeared. Anyway, it was done, and then we still didn't have any food. We ended up pretty much just going home and eating left overs. Good times.
Now onto the exciting news of today. I sort of kind of have my own office! I do have to share it, but it's with someone who's really quiet and respectful. So I'm all for that. It has walls and a door and everything! Just no window. I'm so excited. I spent most of the afternoon moving stuff, so I didn't get much work done after lunch, but I finally have space. No one can understand how happy I am to have actual space to work in. I can spread out my stuff now! So it was actually a pretty good Monday. Though Claudia, Amanda and Angie are all mad at me for moving. Maybe I will bring them some cookies tomorrow.
Oh, and I finally made a dentist appointment!
Ah, the weekend. They are becoming more and more of a blur as the days go by. They go by so much quicker then days at work. It's sucky. Have no idea what was done Friday night. Saturday I met up with Chrissy and T for what I thought was a girl's day at the sex shop, but turned out to involve Chrissy's new toy. A little weird to go to a sex shop with a guy you're not sleeping with or haven't known for a while, but whatever. Oh, I should also mention I was mad at Rob when I first got out of the car at Chrissy's because he did the exact same thing as the last time he dropped me off. We came up to the turn off and he asked me "Is this the turn?" I said "I'm not sure" and he got all mad. I'm sorry, I don't drive. I honestly don't pay attention to where I'm being driven. But "It's your friend, you should know!" Um, you're the driver, you should know. Whatever.
(Cookies are now finished)
We went to the shop, it was nice and classy. I may or may not have bought some items. We went to Walmart where Rob met me and I got a passport picture. I look like I'm in jail. We did some more running around and came home. Sunday is where it really gets interesting.
Sunday we're lazy, as usual. I can't sleep in most weekends so we're sleepy too. We finally get moving, and have a little tiff, due to cranky behaviour no doubt, but we're going. It's about 11:30 and we're both hungry, we're going to go get something to eat! Or not. The passenger side tire blew out in my ally. So I got to watch my boy change a tire, which was kind of hot for some reason. Then we drove to Canadian Tire and got two new front tires. We walked around Canadian Tire and the Asian mall for a while, waiting for it to be done. My fears of running into idiot boy in such places have pretty much disappeared. Anyway, it was done, and then we still didn't have any food. We ended up pretty much just going home and eating left overs. Good times.
Now onto the exciting news of today. I sort of kind of have my own office! I do have to share it, but it's with someone who's really quiet and respectful. So I'm all for that. It has walls and a door and everything! Just no window. I'm so excited. I spent most of the afternoon moving stuff, so I didn't get much work done after lunch, but I finally have space. No one can understand how happy I am to have actual space to work in. I can spread out my stuff now! So it was actually a pretty good Monday. Though Claudia, Amanda and Angie are all mad at me for moving. Maybe I will bring them some cookies tomorrow.
Oh, and I finally made a dentist appointment!
Friday, April 25, 2008
You've got to be kidding me
Another fucking note. This time on the dryer telling me to "keep top of dryer clean!" maybe you should go fuck yourself. I don't keep anything in that god damn room. The only thing I can think of is some dust from the lint trap that they never fucking clean out and I have to do every fucking time I want to use the dryer.
I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them!
Oh, I did I mention I hate them?
Come on September, I can't get out of here fast enough.
I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them!
Oh, I did I mention I hate them?
Come on September, I can't get out of here fast enough.
Is This Better T?
It is finally Friday. I know that I'm not the only person who has been looking forward to this day all week, but man, I am glad. Somedays work drags me down so much. I do a very good job of sitting here, seeming very calm and non stressed (the people who know me the most will think that's not even possible...according to Rob I have stress all the way down to my toes) but it just stresses me to be here somedays. The stuff that goes on sometimes is hard to handle and I have to bite my tongue until it's nearly bitten in half.
Thursday morning as I was leaving my apartment when I noticed a tiny little yellow sticky note by my front door at the top of the stairs. It said "Please keep stairwell clean. Thanks!!!!!" I thought you god damn bitches. I was home ALL night Wednesday. I know they were home too, because they were stomping up and down the stairs all night long, and left the stairwell lights on as usual. Good thing I don't pay utilities cause I would have a huge issue with that. But the point is, I was home all night long. My lights were on, my tv was on, they knew I was there. Yet they didn't even have the common courtesy to knock on my door and talk to me like a human being. No, they left me a note like I'm some fucking leper or something. And what gets me is the stairs aren't even messy. It's not like they are covered in mud and garbage. There is some dust in a few corners and a small section of melted snow water where I take my shoes off. OH MY GOD! CALL THE BOARD OF HEALTH! THE HOUSE SHOULD BE CONDEMNED!!!!
Jesus Christ. Some people's children. So I, being the bitter, bitter person that I am when I am pissed off in any way will A: never forgive them for the slight. B: Not take the sticky note down. C: Clean up the "horrible mess" when I am good and ready. Fuck them. Assholes.
As you may or may not have been able to tell, I am still slightly upset about the whole thing. Just another thing to bury deep down inside and add to the ulcer I've been brewing for my whole life.
On a happy note, my boy came over last night, which was nice. I really missed him, you know, went two whole days without seeing him. Golly gee that's a long time! I do love him though. He is going to do my taxes for me. Yay! And I get to spend time with Chrissy and T tomorrow, which will also be good.
This whole landlord thing has really just cemented the fact that I have to get the hell out of that basement. Rob and I have been thinking seriously about Nova Scotia. He's worried about finding a well paying job. I'm worried about leaving my friends behind. But I miss my family so much, and so many of them are aging now, and getting sick, or growing up, and I'm missing all this time that I could be spending with them, even if I was living in Halifax. Plans are slowly in motion. I guess I'll just have to wait and see where they take us.
Thursday morning as I was leaving my apartment when I noticed a tiny little yellow sticky note by my front door at the top of the stairs. It said "Please keep stairwell clean. Thanks!!!!!" I thought you god damn bitches. I was home ALL night Wednesday. I know they were home too, because they were stomping up and down the stairs all night long, and left the stairwell lights on as usual. Good thing I don't pay utilities cause I would have a huge issue with that. But the point is, I was home all night long. My lights were on, my tv was on, they knew I was there. Yet they didn't even have the common courtesy to knock on my door and talk to me like a human being. No, they left me a note like I'm some fucking leper or something. And what gets me is the stairs aren't even messy. It's not like they are covered in mud and garbage. There is some dust in a few corners and a small section of melted snow water where I take my shoes off. OH MY GOD! CALL THE BOARD OF HEALTH! THE HOUSE SHOULD BE CONDEMNED!!!!
Jesus Christ. Some people's children. So I, being the bitter, bitter person that I am when I am pissed off in any way will A: never forgive them for the slight. B: Not take the sticky note down. C: Clean up the "horrible mess" when I am good and ready. Fuck them. Assholes.
As you may or may not have been able to tell, I am still slightly upset about the whole thing. Just another thing to bury deep down inside and add to the ulcer I've been brewing for my whole life.
On a happy note, my boy came over last night, which was nice. I really missed him, you know, went two whole days without seeing him. Golly gee that's a long time! I do love him though. He is going to do my taxes for me. Yay! And I get to spend time with Chrissy and T tomorrow, which will also be good.
This whole landlord thing has really just cemented the fact that I have to get the hell out of that basement. Rob and I have been thinking seriously about Nova Scotia. He's worried about finding a well paying job. I'm worried about leaving my friends behind. But I miss my family so much, and so many of them are aging now, and getting sick, or growing up, and I'm missing all this time that I could be spending with them, even if I was living in Halifax. Plans are slowly in motion. I guess I'll just have to wait and see where they take us.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
A clean Bathroom is a clean Soul
Probably highly unlikely. But very fun to say even if it means nothing, just like so many of the other things that I say.
Tonight I am actually sitting at my table using my laptop which is highly unusual for me, but a bit more comfortable then hunched over on my weird bench thing. If only the TV was closer (except I am listening to an amazing mixture of East Coast music right now and not watching TV). From the headline you can probably understand that I just finished cleaning my bathroom. It was nasty. Tonight Rob isn't over, it's one of our "break" nights, so my landlords can't be total assholes. But I don't always mind. Sometimes it's nice just to be by myself and listen to my music and talk to my friends or cleaning my apartment without having to entertain Rob. I know he says I don't need to entertain him, but I do. So the alone nights are sometimes necessary. (How am I ever going to live with someone again?)
This past weekend was pretty good, other then the horrible ice and snow and shit weather that Calgary seems so fond of having. Friday we went to the comedy club with Kendra and her new boyfriend Fred. He is by far the most normal guy she's had in a long time, and very nice too. It was an awesome night. I laughed so hard at jokes I don't even remember now. Saturday we lazed around all day because of the weather and because we were lazy, then went to celebrate T's birthday. I drank too many free bottle caps without buying a round. Next time, I have to buy a round. I'm a friggin' mooch. Sunday I woke up to wonderful stomach cramps. Damn you Atlas pizza! It does that to me every once and a while, but it's so damn good I can't not eat it! So I missed out on going to breakfast and the sex shop with Chrissy and T, but I didn't miss out on getting up at 6am to see Rob off to work. Poor boy. I went back to sleep.
This weekend is pretty open. Saturday I'll be spending some quality time with my girls at the above mentioned sex shop. Should be an interesting time.
Work is work. The same old crap, just a different day. I might be moving into an office with Robin even sooner then expected though, so that's good. It will be nice to have desk space and for it to be quiet when I'm trying to work. Good times. Fingers crossed that it happens sooner rather then later.
I realized tonight how out of touch I am with the people from home. People are getting married and having babies and I know nothing whatsoever about it. I know that it doesn't matter, these people aren't my family or my close friends, but jesus, I get up surrounded by them all. It's hard when you know everyone, to suddenly know nothing about them.
Sunday I randomly got homesick and cried in front of Rob. It was extremely embarrassing.
Tonight I am actually sitting at my table using my laptop which is highly unusual for me, but a bit more comfortable then hunched over on my weird bench thing. If only the TV was closer (except I am listening to an amazing mixture of East Coast music right now and not watching TV). From the headline you can probably understand that I just finished cleaning my bathroom. It was nasty. Tonight Rob isn't over, it's one of our "break" nights, so my landlords can't be total assholes. But I don't always mind. Sometimes it's nice just to be by myself and listen to my music and talk to my friends or cleaning my apartment without having to entertain Rob. I know he says I don't need to entertain him, but I do. So the alone nights are sometimes necessary. (How am I ever going to live with someone again?)
This past weekend was pretty good, other then the horrible ice and snow and shit weather that Calgary seems so fond of having. Friday we went to the comedy club with Kendra and her new boyfriend Fred. He is by far the most normal guy she's had in a long time, and very nice too. It was an awesome night. I laughed so hard at jokes I don't even remember now. Saturday we lazed around all day because of the weather and because we were lazy, then went to celebrate T's birthday. I drank too many free bottle caps without buying a round. Next time, I have to buy a round. I'm a friggin' mooch. Sunday I woke up to wonderful stomach cramps. Damn you Atlas pizza! It does that to me every once and a while, but it's so damn good I can't not eat it! So I missed out on going to breakfast and the sex shop with Chrissy and T, but I didn't miss out on getting up at 6am to see Rob off to work. Poor boy. I went back to sleep.
This weekend is pretty open. Saturday I'll be spending some quality time with my girls at the above mentioned sex shop. Should be an interesting time.
Work is work. The same old crap, just a different day. I might be moving into an office with Robin even sooner then expected though, so that's good. It will be nice to have desk space and for it to be quiet when I'm trying to work. Good times. Fingers crossed that it happens sooner rather then later.
I realized tonight how out of touch I am with the people from home. People are getting married and having babies and I know nothing whatsoever about it. I know that it doesn't matter, these people aren't my family or my close friends, but jesus, I get up surrounded by them all. It's hard when you know everyone, to suddenly know nothing about them.
Sunday I randomly got homesick and cried in front of Rob. It was extremely embarrassing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
