Wouldn't you know it...

So I've been beyond stressed lately, with the death of my grandfather, no job, no money, Christmas is coming, etc, etc. Little things started to pile up, like dirty dishes or dirty socks being left willy nilly all over the apartment, stuff still in boxes, furniture still not put together, etc. It was starting to pile up inside me and making me go crazy. Actually go crazy. Last night Rob got called into work. I was watching tv and eating popcorn. Then I chipped a back tooth. Yup, same side as my other broken tooth, but down the bottom, closer to the back. It's one that has a filling it, so I'm wondering now if the whole thing will just fall apart on me, and I'll have two huge holes on that side of my mouth.

So I cracked the tooth, and everything, and I mean everything feel apart for me. I sat on the couch in the dark and cried. I cried over the tooth, I cried over the insurance and money I don't have to fix it, I cried over the dirty dishes and socks, the no job, the no Grampy, the issues Rob and I have been having lately, the feeling of worthlessness and unhappiness I've been having, etc. Rob came home and found me like that. He offered to do all the housework, in his usual "WHATEVER WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY, I'LL DO IT, JUST PLEASE STOP CRYING" fashion he has. I didn't want that. I told him that I understood that he was working and I wasn't, so it's normal for me to do the majority of housework, but I need help. Just a little bit, cause I can feel myself going nuts. It's that simple. It's a slippery slope, and I've been here before. I'm a long way from where I was, long ago, but it all starts somewhere, and I certainly don't want to get beyond this.

My Mom, Nanny Barb (maybe) and Aunt Bonnie were supposed to come up today, Bonnie had a flight to catch. I killed myself last night cleaning up the apartment, moved extremely heavy boxes, cleaned up the guest bedroom, etc. Threw out my back, cried when I tried to move, you know, all that typically fun stuff that I get myself into. Yeah, no one came. Oh, my Mom came, to my brother's house. I understand that since the baby is there, that's where people are going to stay, I get that. I'm totally fine with that. But John and Denise still haven't been over here to see my new place. I understand that they are busy with the baby and work and stuff, but still. Like today. Mom called and said that they were all going to Costco. I said that was fine, I'd see them later. She said no, they were coming over to get me. I said no, I didn't want to go to Costco. I didn't need anything from there, and I had no money, so why should I go to Costco? She said get my coat, they'll be there in a few minutes. So fine. I got ready, then they called from the parking lot. John, Denise, Mom and Meghan. Um, am I missing something here? You can't come in for five minutes and see where I live? It's not a huge deal, but I nearly killed myself trying to make it somewhat presentable, as much as it can be still filled with boxes, and no one but Rob is going to see it. That's fine.

Ugh! I want to scream or something! Nothing is going right. I'm supposed to go home with Mom and Kendra tomorrow. I just want to sit quietly and sleep all day. How am I going to survive that car ride? And then I get to go and wrap a million presents for my sad grandmother. That's going to be wonderful. I just want this whole stupid Christmas to be over. I hate it this year, I don't want it, I want it to go away.