If only...

I think I could deal with being the horrible weight I am if I looked nearly as cute as as my wii mii! She's adorable with her cute chubby belly and smiley face. Ah, if only!

While at work I was planning on going for a walk after work, but it was horribly hot out and I still have a mysterious pain in my right heel. I have no idea what I did to it, I just remember that it started hurting yesterday sometime. Who knows what I did to it? Anyway, because of the pain, I was only able to do the Wii for 16 minutes today. When I do it, I try to do it for a half an hour. I'm usually dying by them. But I only got to do half of that today, and I couldn't do boxing and step aerobics more then once each, so I didn't feel like it was a very good "workout" but I apparently lost .4lbs. wooooooooooooooooooooo! Runway, here I come! :P

But it is positive at least. I'm going to really try to do this more often. Tomorrow night I'm going to be gone after work, and I know this weekend is probably a complete bust, with family/moving my brother and stuff. But if I can do it twice more this week, then maybe I can get down another .4lbs or so...or maybe a whole pound. I have to try to be more positive about all this stuff I know I do. Being depressed sure doesn't help anything.

And now to go make some chicken, at almost 8:30pm.

I hate my life

The more I look at myself in the mirror the more I hate myself. I'm getting married in a year. I CAN NOT get married looking like this. I refuse. However, I don't seem to have the drive or the ambition to do anything about it. I do well on the Wii Fit for a week, and the off of it for two. I go for walks three days a week for two weeks, then not a walk in months. I eat well for a bit, then eat pizza non stop. Ugh.

I hate my life.

Massive Depression

Ugh. I just weighed myself for the first time in I don't even know how long. I am a chubby, chubby girl. I knew my weight range. I just didn't think it would be on on the high end. I need to make a change. But I'm afraid. I don't know what to do....I need a plan.

I've been Tagged!

I thought this was just an email thing, but apparently you can be tagged in blogs too! Who knew? Lauren from Mommy in Munchkin Land tagged me. And we all know that I have no life, so here I go:

Rules are as follows: 1) Mention the person who tagged you and be sure to link to them!2) Post your list of 8's3) Tag 8 bloggers and don't forget to tell them!

For the record, I do NOT have anyone to send this to after this...cause there's like two people who read this, if that. I know, sad. Here we go!

8 of my most favorite foods:

1- Turkey
2- Pizza
3- Salty Chips
4- Chicken fried rice
5- Popcorn
6- bbq chicken
7- lobster
8- crab

8 Things I Cherish
1- my family and friends and boyfriend
2- Benson
3- my pictures
4- my memories (the good ones...the bad ones can go to hell!!!)
5- a good nap
6- lots of time with a good book
7- fresh pepsi
8- fresh ocean air.

8 Ways I Kill Time
1- chatting on/ surfing the Internet
2- reading
3- Talking on the phone
4- watching tv
5- walking to the stores at the mini mall next to my apartment
6- playing with Benson
7- Cleaning/organizing
8- reading/writing emails

8 Shows I Watch
1- House
2- Deadliest Catch
3- Canada's Worst Handyman
4- Family Guy
5- Law and Order SVU
6- Law and Order
7- American Dad
8- Groomer Has It

8 Things to do before I die
1- Go the UK
2- See Greece
3- go back to Yellowstone
4- get a house with an ocean view
5- see Europe...ALL OF IT
6- learn to play something
7- write a book
8- go on another big road trip

8 Ways to make me Happy
1- leave me alone...alone time is good.
2- Bring me carnations
3- Take me for a boat drive
4- do the dishes
5- random gifts!
6- getting a letter, real mail rules
7- let me buy my stupid little things that I like
8- let me play with kittens

No tagging :(

Clenched Teeth

Sometimes I wonder why I bother. Honestly.

My back has been killing me like crazy, interrupting my sleep, etc. We also had an overflowing hamper of dirty clothes. We're going home on the weekend, so I will do most of the laundry for free, but the boy's uniform had to be washed, so I put in our towels, socks, underwear, stuff like that. I sorted everything, put it in the hamper and gave it to him to take. Naturally it didn't happen right away. He finally went up and put it in the laundry.

I was really, really sore and tired this afternoon, so after a bit, I went to have a nap. I reminded him THREE times that the laundry would be ready to go into the dryer very soon. THREE times.

After laying in bed and having Benson try to fit my entire hand and arm into his mouth a few times, I did manage to sleep for a bit. I stayed in bed a bit longer, as my back was sore, and I was really hot and enjoying the fan on my face. I got out of bed, and saw the hamper in the exact same place. I sighed every so deeply.

He was sitting in the recliner, with his computer glued to his lap as usual and I said in as nice a voice as I could manage "You didn't go get the laundry?" and his reply, which was not at all a surprise, "Oh shit, I forgot it!" Really??? Fucking shocking! So he got up and ran up stairs to put it in. Yeah, no driers free. It's Sunday. He was lucky to get a washer free. It's things like this that makes me hate him just a little bit. Why can't he remember? He sighs and gets mad when I remind him things over and over again, because I'm nagging him or whatever. But OBVIOUSLY he's a child and needs to be nagged. Jesus. I could kill him. So now my laundry is just sitting up there, waiting to go into a free dryer. And my jaw hurts because I'm clenching my teeth so hard and not saying anything. And he knows I'm mad since he did the dishes, which he NEVER does.

Argh!!!


As a side note, I'm sorry that this blog has turned into a total bitch fest, but there's like only one reader, and she knows I'm a bitch, so it's all good.

Tired

I am sitting here, in my somewhat less messy apartment, feeling much better about my dining room.

Since we moved here, there was one wall of our dining room that was completely covered, nearly head high, with bins and boxes. They have slowly been chipped away at, over time. But there were many stubborn boxes that just refused to be dealt with. They were all the boys, filled with things I can't quite believe he spent money on moving across the country, vhs tapes, audio tapes, empty dvd cases, old text books (Yes, I myself have kept text books, but I was an English major, so I kept my poetry books, etc) that he's never going to use again. But that's fine, I guess. Except that he wouldn't move them. Yeah, he's been busy, I get that. But there are weekends. And there are plenty of days that he's not doing anything at his stay at home job.

DOESN'T MATTER. I took care of it. As per usual. The boxes are gone. Now the only box in the dining room is the one that is going to good will asap. I feel like I have a bit of order back in my life. Sure, the bedroom closets are now stuffed beyond capacity with random boxes and bins, but that's what closet doors are for! No one needs to know. My next job will be to try to curb Rob's disgusting side of the bed. He just drops everything by the bed and leaves it there. It drives me crazy. I'm the type of person that doesn't mind a little bit of clutter in the bedroom, but this is getting out of hand. I will try once again to have a talk with him. Maybe I'll try not to cry this time. Though last time it seemed to work a little bit.

I am very tired from moving all of those boxes. And I'm tired anyway, not sleeping well because of my weird back problems. Fine during the day, but as soon as I lay down for a bit, it hurts like hell. I've been waking up around 4 in the morning in intense pain. I get up, take some drugs, heat up my heating pad, go back to sleep until about 6 or 6:30, in more pain. Heating up my heating pad didn't work this time. I got up before 7 and ate some cereal, farted around on the computer, and went back to bed just after 8. My back still hurt a bit, but not as much, and I was able to get a couple more hours of sleep. Yes, this means I "slept in", but really, if you add up all the hours I was actually sleeping, it was just a regular night's sleep. So I don't feel bad about it at all. Yeah, I know, I'll eventually go to the doctors. It would be nice if I had some insurance though.

I would like to sit here and enjoy my tidy dining room, but I have a feeling I'll be doing a few more things before I settle in for the night. The fun never ends.

Minor Break Downs are Fun!

I had a job interview today at 4. After spending the morning/early afternoon doing laundry, dishes, organizing things, I started to get ready. You already know my whole button popping clothing issues I was having when i was getting ready for the interview. Well, I found something to wear, and was doing my hair and makeup. I don't wear makeup very often, but it was a shock to me when I realized my new foundation (about 25 bucks or more, which is A LOT for me to spend on makeup) was missing from my purse. No were to be found. It had to have fallen out. I lost my mind. I seriously did. I cried, I ranted...I asked what was the point of my life if every little thing I do is a total and complete struggle? Ugh. It was not my finest hour.

Anyway, I had a tiny bit of foundation left in a different bottle, and was able to make it work. I know it's not a huge deal, I know that. It didn't stop me from going nuts though.

I did the interview. The first half went well, the second half sucked. We'll see I guess, fingers crossed.